You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
