i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
