I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
