I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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