She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
