so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
