We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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