I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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