I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?