My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that