and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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