Where did you get a picture of my penis
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.