Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.