Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am