yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.