just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
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It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.