if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?