Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
