At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
