you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
