I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
