i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
