your parents love me but you hate me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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