Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
