how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
