So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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