He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
