I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
