I miss vodka workout Fridays
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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