Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
