I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
