Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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