can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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