Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
