I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
