Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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