i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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