i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
