Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
