Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
