he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
