Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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