you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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