Your tits are I can't wait for
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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