3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
