wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
