I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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