So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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