i think my mom watched the whole time
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
