he wants to bone in the snuggie
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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