...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
