why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
