oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
