It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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