I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
