dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we're making bets on your personal life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
