I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
