Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
