we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
