I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
