We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
