in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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