I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
