around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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