Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
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I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize