im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
