we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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