so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
