What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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