Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
