is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
