Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
