he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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