I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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