Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
