Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
A+ Viking dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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