weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
